


Singing

by Nemesis (ThetaSigma), ThetaSigma



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Established Relationship, Humor, M/M, Tom Lehrer's music is in this a lot and I apologize to him now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-12
Updated: 2016-05-12
Packaged: 2018-06-08 01:24:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6833146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThetaSigma/pseuds/Nemesis, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThetaSigma/pseuds/ThetaSigma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John's a huge fan of Tom Lehrer's music and shares it with others.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Singing

John and Fin were standing around the board, diagramming an HIV outbreak, related to one of their cases. Warner had sent over the data and they were adding it to the board, trying to figure out who they had to talk to about one of their victims getting killed.

John started singing softly as he added another dot to the board: “I got it from Agnes, she got it from Jim, we all agree it must have been Louise who gave it to him. Now she got it from Harry, who got it from Marie, and everybody knows that Marie… got it from me!”

Fin shot him a look. “What the _hell_ is that, John?”

“Dirtiest song I know,” John said cheerfully, “and it doesn’t once mention sex. You’ve never heard Tom Lehrer?”

“No, and I’m startin’ to think that’s a good thing.”

“Oh, he’s amazing,” John said. “So on point. Comedic singer from the 60s and 70s. Did you know he invented the Jello shot?”

Fin raised an eyebrow. “I never thought about who invented it, to be entirely honest, John.”

“He invented it to sneak alcohol onto the military base where he was stationed. Man’s a genius.”

“You don’t even _like_ Jello shots, you say they’re disgustin’.”

“I prefer my alcohol straight, but I can definitely respect fucking with authority, _especially_ the military.”

Fin didn’t comment on that. “How’s the rest of the song go?”

John sang it for him in a soft baritone, and Fin’s eyes widened. “That _is_ the dirtiest song I have _ever_ heard,” he said. “Jesus, the spaniel too?”

John tacked up another dot and said, “Yeah, I don’t know why schools don’t use it to teach how quickly an STD can spread, it’s a great guide.”

“Thank God for all the kids that you became a cop, not a teacher,” Fin said darkly.

“Yeah, they don’t like the whole ‘question authority’ thing, especially when you refuse to teach the lies the government puts out. I couldn’t be a puppet of the government like that!”

*** 

John and Fin were working on some religiously motivated killings, almost a year later. Some feud between two religious sects, and John was combing through files as Fin added the details to their board.

“Oh the Catholics hate the Protestants, and the Protestants hate the Catholics, and the Hindus hate the Muslims, and everybody hates the Jews,” John sang softly to himself as he worked.

“What the fuck, John?” Fin demanded.

“You still haven’t listened to Tom Lehrer, have you?” John asked. “National Brotherhood Week. It’s a great song and it’s still relevant today. I’m putting that LP on tonight, you got to get to know this guy.”

“Oh hell, might as well, you sure sing enough of his songs. You got ‘em all memorized or somethin’?”

“Pretty much,” John said cheerfully. “Was a huge fan when he was active – even went to one of his concerts!”

*** 

Liv had begrudgingly called on John and Fin to babysit again. She still wasn't happy about the whole Dealey Plaza thing, but she had a date and her sitter couldn't make it again. She consoled herself by saying that Noah was far too young to remember any of John's kooky ideas (John and _Fin’s_!) and she had told them firmly no conspiracy theories.

"Just play with him!" she had admonished. 

She got home and looked around. John and Fin were in the living room, Noah in John's lap again, and there were toys out but nothing organized. A box of dinosaur chicken nuggets was out, and she hoped that John or Fin had given the kid vegetables too.

"Song!" she heard Noah demand.

"Okay, kiddo, I know some songs," John said.

"John..." Fin said warningly.

"They're kid appropriate, don't worry," John said cheerfully. Liv figured maybe she should tell them she was home, but she poured herself a glass of wine first. They were fine, and she could use another minute or two of peace, although she knew John's usual repertoire of songs from some spectacular nights at the bar. She hoped he was right and it really _was_ kid appropriate 

John belted into song: "Spring is here, oh spring is here. Life is skittles and life is beer, I think the loveliest time of the year is the spring, don't you? Course you do."

Well, that was certainly okay. Not wheels on the bus, and she hoped Noah didn't get too attached to this song because then she'd have to learn it, but it was certainly not dirty, unlike a _lot_ of songs John knew.

"But there's one thing that makes spring complete for me, and makes every Sunday a treat for me. All the world seems in tune on a spring afternoon when we're poisoning pigeons in the park."

Oh god not again. Liv ran into the living room, calling " _John_!" at the same time Fin did.

John kept going: "Every Sunday you'll see my sweetheart and me as we poison the pigeons in the park..."

"John, you cut that out right now!" Liv demanded. "I thought I heard you say this was kid appropriate!"

"It is!" John protested. "It's a lovely song about liking spring!"

"And killing birds. John, enough," she sighed. "Give me Noah now. Are you _trying_ to get me to say you can't be around him?"

"Hey, Tom Lehrer is an institution and everyone should know him."

"I dunno, John, I've heard his songs and they are not appropriate for a 2-year-old," Fin said. "When he's older."

"Assuming I let you anywhere near my kid again," Liv said darkly, pulling Noah close.

**Author's Note:**

> Editing in a note to add song titles and links, should give the man some credit even if he probably never intended his music to be used like THIS (although who knows?).  
> First bit, the song is "I Got It From Agnes": [Youtube of it here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7jKiunSRzAI). It really is the dirtiest song I know.  
> Second bit, the song is, as John said, "National Brotherhood Week": [Youtube of it here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aIlJ8ZCs4jY). That song is still relevant today (and my more politically active, left-wing readers may recognize this as Charlie Pierce just posted it with the same comment. Uh, his tribute is probably less appalling than mine)  
> Third bit, the song is "Poisoning Pigeons In The Park": [Youtube of it here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yhuMLpdnOjY). Lovely song about killing pigeons in the spring, and as I can't stand the flying buggers, I'm all for it. 
> 
> Tom Lehrer also did absolutely invent the Jello shot for the exact reason given in the fic -- he wanted to sneak alcohol onto his military base. I respect the shit out of that. 
> 
> If you're not familiar with his work yet, pretty much all of it (if not all of it) is on Youtube, and the man really is a genius. Go forth and listen!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Flower Power](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12139866) by [sidewinder](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sidewinder/pseuds/sidewinder)




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